devarim

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At long last (okay, after an expected two years), my employment with the Commonwealth of Masachusetts has ended. Specifically, my employment as a law clerk has ended, and I am no longer bound by the Code of Judicial Conduct. In other words, I can talk politics again. I wanted to come up with a profound and insightful post for my re-debut, but there's either nothing to talk about, or else too much to talk about. Instead, here's a (partial) list of the things I've been biting my tongue over for the past twenty-four months or so:

• W.
  
• Iraq
  
• the War on Terror
  
• the War on Drugs (and if you don't think the U.S. government is still doing a lousy job of fighting this war and a terrific job of losing it...)
  
• stupid airline screening procedures that do nothing to prevent terrorism and do everything to push people toward a delicate balance of false security and frenetic panic, making them receptive to government-worship propoganda
  
• Katrina and other massive incursions of water
  
• Dick Cheney's lousy aim
  
• Joe Lieberman's lousy career moves
  
• Israel
  
• aliyah (immigration to Israel)
  
• Lebanon and Israel
  
• everyone else and Israel
  
• same-sex marriage (just to change the topic)
  
• same-sex divorce
  
• Terry Schiavo
  
• the HPV ("cervical cancer virus") vaccine
  
• Plan B ("the morning-after pill") and its over-the-counter-ness
  
• late-term abortion
  
• abortion, period
  
• contraception
  
• sex ed
  
• maternity/parental leave policies here and abroad
  
• the so-called campaign in support of breastfeeding (hint: the lousy rates of breastfeeding in the U.S. have a lot to do with our lousy maternity leave policies)
  
• mandated insurance coverage for the diagnosis and treatment of infertility (even in Massachusetts, "mandated coverage" isn't all it's cracked up to be)
  
• standardized testing and No Child Left Behind
  
• English as the national language (oh please)
  
• immigration policies
  
• taxes
  
• why I am not, in fact, a bleeding-heart-liberal pinko commie bastard, but rather merely an organic-latte-sipping, farmer's-market-perusing, Volvo-driving, libertarian-leaning New England liberal...and proud

P.S. Formerly redacted entries will be restored in the coming weeks. Thanks for your patience.

This time I have an excuse for the absence, I think. Nearly a year after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, my father has rejoined my mother - physically, in Eretz Yisrael, and, spiritually, in wherever or whatever it is that comes after our time in this world has ended. My sister and I got up from shiva this morning.

Donations in memory of Elan Bar-Giora (Elan ben Avraham v'Flora; born: Matityahu Massouriani) may be directed to Jewish National Fund, preferably for the purpose of planting trees in Israel.

From this week's PostSecret:

Yom Kippur is an interesting time to contemplate this image and its associated (non)believer. We like to think we will pass through the Ten Days of Repentance with a sense of awe and reverence and emerge after Yom Kippur with a profound understanding of ourselves and the world. Or, at least, some level of preparation for and acceptance of Divine judgment (whatever that may mean in your eyes). I'm not sure I've ever succeeded in making it through this time of year quite like that. Most years, though, I've at least managed to feel a sense of humility by the onset of Yom Kippur, admiration of the structure and poetry of the liturgy, and a joyous relief at the single long note on the shofar at the end of the fast.

With less than a day to go, I jsut don't think it's going to happen this year. I'm angry and confused and probably not for the reasons most of you think. I'm trying to view my expected confinement to bed on Monday as an opportunity to commune with (er...yell at) God on a more personal level, rather than having to focus on the longer prayers and piyutim lead by the chazzan. But instead I am wondering how I'll cope without the structure, and with all those hours of quiet contemplation. Contemplation in general, I can handle. But not alone. I'm afraid that the anger and frustration will only build while I'm alone, and if I even manage to make it to shul for Ne'ilah Monday evening, hearing the shofar will be no relief after a full day of lonely self-torture.

On a more positive note - and I think I've said this before - I am somewhat grateful that I'm angry at God. You can't be angry at something that you don't think exists, and I don't think I could handle being an atheist just now.

Tell me: What do you pretend to believe? What do you know now? And just how did it used to be?